This morning, on my way to work, I started thinking about the future. I have a few plans but these few plans are big plans. Plans that will take a lot to accomplish and the panic I felt, no exaggeration, I could taste.
As positive as I often am, there are times like this morning when I have no self belief.
I could feel the tears behind my eyes. I was losing hope when the thoughts started…
“what was I thinking?”
“Who gave me the confidence to think that I could do this?”
“I may be over-reaching”
“I am not smart enough”
“I am not good enough”
“I am too lazy”
“I took too much on”
“It will not work out”
These thoughts all came at once. I sat there feeling utterly overwhelmed. My heart goes out to those who suffer anxiety attacks. It cannot be easy.
In all this, I remembered all the people in my circle who believe (they may have their doubts but they have never shared them with me) I can do all I plan to do and more and their belief in me (believe it or not) was crippling to me this morning. (I am not being ungrateful).
“I don’t want to disappoint them”
“They don’t know what they are talking about”
“They don’t see me as I really am”
On and on, these thoughts came. Flood after flood of negativity and doubt. I sat there on the brink of tears, where could I run? Where would I run? It was in my head. They would follow me…
Thankfully, I had shared these thoughts with my mentor and I heard her response and her reason for her response;
“He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless” – Isaiah 40:29
“You are not working with just your strength are you Chidinma? God will not just leave you like that. Is that real life?” – Mentor
And just like that, I remembered.
“For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength” – Phillipians 4:13
“But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint” – Isaiah 40:31
“Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me” – 2 Corinthians 12:9
On and on, these verses came back to me. My heart was glad again. I was not alone. God will not leave me like that. Even if by some weird action, I lost strength, God has all the strength in and outside of this world. He can and has upheld me. He has encouraged me in the past. Why not the future? As long as I stuck with God, I was not alone. I am not alone.
I have family, I have friends and God is with me. What was I so afraid of?
I had begun this my journey and asked for direction. I got the direction I sought and actually begun. Why would God enable me begin this if He would not enable me complete it?
Dear reader, there is nothing quite like peace.If you have peace, you are one very fortunate individual.
Fear steals peace. It steals joy and happiness. Fear is a thief.
I overcame fear this morning and I feel great! You can too!
What fears are you dealing with? God can!
I have a very expressive face. Every emotion shows on my face I have tried and failed to try and stop my face but I have been unable to (lol!). As someone who is always laughing, when I am not laughing…well! Imagine I went to work and looked the way I did on the bus…oh Lord! No time for Q&As.
You are bigger than your fears. More importantly, God is bigger than your fears. In fact, God is biggest. FULL STOP!!!!
Even after, my bus experience, fear tried it again.
It is relentless. I started with Psalm 23 and finished with the whole of Psalm 91…lol!
All in one morning…! BEFORE I STARTED WORK!
If I can, you can!
You can beat Fear.
As big and bad as fear is, God is bigger.
Let your heart be at peace. Fear is a lie.
Trust that God has you.
You win! Tell fear where to go!
Have a lovely day!
Love and Blessings,