If you are human, you must have walked away from a relationship at one point or another. This said relationship, does not have to be romantic in nature.
It is very rare to find two people who have walked away from one another and yet have lovely things to say about the person they walked away from. More often than not, the person you walked away from is a demon.
If this is the entire truth, how did you hang around a demon for so long? Chances are, that that person must have been wonderful to you at one point. If not, why were you involved with this person and if so, when did it go stale? When did your view change?
While browsing as you do, Instagram suggested a user to me who used to be a friend on this late night and THANKFULLY their profile is public. I scrolled all the way to the very first picture and relished their posts, very careful to not like any because I wanted to see what they were up to but not allow them know I was even remotely interested in their lives. (You see, when we were friends, we did not have Instagram). This should sound familiar. If it does not, you are a bleeding liar.
I walked away from this person because I felt (at the time) that they were ‘toxic and ridiculous’. I was both annoyed and repulsed by them forgetting I did not always feel like that. Time had healed my insecurities, taught me lessons and allowed me reflect on many things and while gorging on their profile, I saw this person with fresh eyes.
I quickly remembered what it was that made them so wonderful and why we became friends. That demon label no longer fit. Suddenly (read begrudgingly), I could see where I was wrong and realised I had not been a very nice person. Somehow, I was wearing the demon label.
Now, this is not always the case but in this instance, this was the truth.
Up until now, my memories of this friend had been negative but when I begun remembering the good times, the demon became non-existent. My friend was no longer this awful beast. We were just two people who were bad for one another. We, who could no longer share the same friendship space and so went our separate ways. Of course, it was not that simple at the time. We both believed the worst and for years had nothing nice to say (I heard from mutual friends that I was a demon also)…until I remembered the good.
This friend was kind, generous, open, vulnerable, wonderfully weird and funny. We laughed at a great many things, shared thoughts, dreams and supported one another. Of course we argued a lot but there was more good than bad and pride did not allow me act like a human being when we were friends but I never include that part when I tell my demon story. When I re-tell our story, my friend has always been a demon and I am the angel who survived.
Remembering the good helps us see our faults. It helps us behave as we ought to. It can even help restore friendships and relationships that are on the verge of breaking down.
I am no psychologist. Not even close. I think I got a ‘U’ for my Psychology exam during my A Levels so please, do not take this to the bank. I am simply suggesting and sharing my thoughts…
Remembering the good, helped me correct my mistakes for the future should I ever be in a similar situation. Remembering the good makes a lot of difference in current relationships.
After browsing, I closed the app, nearly in tears. I mourned the loss of my friendship (friend). Something I had not been able to do until I remembered the good. (GOSH, I sound so dramatic!).
Up until that point, I did not feel that I lost anything or anyone but I did. I really did. I lost a friend. Remembering the good helps put things into perspective.
Good and honest friendships are fast becoming extinct. Understanding I lost one of those is hard. Especially when you are, as I am, acutely aware that I cannot contact this friend because I have no right to.
I also do not intend to contact this friend or try and reconnect because I can see now that I was at fault. I was not good for my friend. I do not know whether we can be frends now but remembering the good enabled me to pray for and bless this friend. Remembering the good will make it easier to be courteous. For me, should I see them in the street, I will stop and say hello instead of ducking or throwing dirty looks in their direction or worse.
It is always nice to remember the good because we get so caught up in our hurt, pain and unforgiveness that we forget the good that this new enemy contributed to our lives. We forget the good times we shared and all the times we were helped and supported by this so called demon. All we see is red and while this is not necessarily intrinsically bad, it is also not good.
We need to remember the good.
If for no other reason than to be free of the burden of hate.
Hey, we might even save a relationship!
Have you lost or about to lose a friend?
The solution is relatively simple!
Remember the good!
God bless and keep you!
Love and Blessings!