Believe it or not, it is hard to reject a person. It is also hard to be rejected. I hear it is harder, I cannot say for sure. As someone who has been rejected and has rejected, it was harder to be rejected.
I imagine you are already thinking about the dude who broke my heart. Well, no (lol).
Rejection is very present in multiple situations. Hearing a “NO” is very hard to hear. You immediately ask, “what is wrong with me”? Or “Am I not good enough”? Or even ask yourself whether the other person is blind. “Can they not see I am valuable”? All these are very relevant questions.
I remember walking with my mentor and I kept asking, “what do you do with (this feeling of) rejection?”. I cannot remember her answer but I remember the way I felt when I asked. I remember being fervent in my quest to find out what was wrong with me. I felt ‘off’. I wanted to shake it off and cast it down but I could not.
Now, you may be reading this and have spoken to me about being rejected. You did not inspire this, although you did enter my mind when I decided to write it.
There are two types of rejection (in my very humble opinion).
1. Being rejected
However, in order to heal, you need to go through a season of reflection. Whether you are the one who was rejected or whether you rejected a person.
It seems pretty simple right?!
Now, I hear you asking, how do you deal with rejection?!
Again, theoretically, this is simple. To be able to deal with rejection, you simply have to learn to endure. I know. There does not seem to be any other way. To successfully deal with rejection, you need to learn to begin enduring (The reality is much harder).
For every type of rejection, there is a period of time that passes after the fact. This season allows us deal with whatever perspective we are operating from.
Let me give you an example. Type one, rejection ; I had the a relatively large crush on this guy a while back, only for the dude to tell my friend that he liked her. I was crushed (lol, see what I did there?). I cried. I tried to find out why she was better. I tried to change to be more like her (did somebody say impossible?).
Thankfully, I never tried to convince him of my worth (I plead with you to never do that. Do not ever try to convince another person of your worth). [Of course, if it is an interview then you are required to prove you are worthy for the position. PLEASE give them a book about how valuable you are so that you can get the job/scholarship/internship etc…]
It hurt. They actually dated for a while. I was genuinely happy for them. I endured. I carried on. Thankfully, I did not tarry for too long. I dusted off my shoulders and moved on. Unfortunately for her, it did not end well for them. He did the dirty and hurt her horribly. (In this case, being rejected was a good thing).
Reflection. He was a DOUCHE! Complete with bells and bag. I have never been so glad to have been rejected.
Now, I am not saying that everyone that rejects you is a DOUCHE or that it will end badly for them but the same rule applies.
“IF YOU ARE REJECTED, JUST ENDURE THE PAIN”.
Time will heal your wounds.
You will not die.
It is good to state that I do not currently know where either person is or how to reach them. However, at the time, it felt like I was carrying the world on my shoulders but it passed. Life carried on.
What you feel right now, WILL PASS.
Do you want another example?! Of course you do! Type two example, Rejecting.
I have also rejected. I felt horrid because I generally hate making people feel bad. To say no to a person is not very easy at all. I endured and stuck to my “no”.
I made the right choice. Saying “yes” for the sake of it is not helpful for either one of us. It would not be fair to subject the both of us to likely suffering because I could not say no. I do not regret saying no.
Do you understand now?
You WILL reject people. People WILL reject you. This is life. The important thing is, we reflect honestly, learn patiently and move on happily.
It is important to be honest to yourself.
Could you have prepared better for the interview? Is he/she attracted to another type? Is he/she simply looking for someone who is not like you? Are other candidates really better suited? If you were in their shoes, would you make the same decision?
Honest reflection is necessary. It is a part of endurance.
The fact that you have been rejected does not reduce your value in any way. All it means is, you do not meet a certain requirement and this is okay! No human being can meet every requirement, every time.
Think back to a person you rejected. Why did you reject them? If you are a hiring manager, would you not want the best candidate?
We like to overly complicate our lives needlessly. Remember the old adage, “one man’s meat is another man’s poison”.
And so it is with human beings. Hearing a “no” simply means you are not the right fit for that person/company. It does not mean another person/organisation will not love you and want you on board.
You should give thanks when you are rejected because you REALLY do not want to be in a situation wherein you do not fit. It is and will be uncomfortable for all concerned (yep. You AND the other person).
A friend once said to me, “if people can reject Jesus, who do you think you are”? That made me laugh.
I understand that it hurts but we make rejection bigger and deeper than it is.
It does not have to be like that.
Remember, even if human beings reject us, we are never rejected or forgotten by God. His arms are always open!
I remind you again, it may hurt at that time but you will not die. You will, however, be stronger.
Another opportunity will arise. It will be better suited for you. Another person will show up, they will be a better fit for you, possibly the best fit.
I say again, you will live!
Get up and walk!
Love and Blessings!