Friendships intrigue me. I have been obsessed for the last few years with friendships and my friends. I have thought and prayed about my friends. I have thought and prayed about the people who I thought were my friends but who were not AND the ones I did not regard as my friends but were more friendly to me than those I called friends.
Here are a few things I learnt and I am still learning about friendship. For all of these points, please note that these are my experiences. I invite you to reflect on my thoughts and express yours on the topic of friendship. I am still learning and growing so this is not me claiming to be an expert. I am sharing my thoughts on the matter! Lol! Enjoy… 😊
1. Even God ordained friendships are seasonal. Some friends last a life time, others last for a very short time and others still, last for years, just not for a life time. I am still learning the difference. It took me a while to learn that it is not every friendship you fight for. Sometimes, it is wise to ‘let things play out’. I am not saying hurt people or refuse to apologise. No, I am saying sometimes, fighting for a friendship that has run its course is futile. You need to know when to allow people walk away. (I will admit I still struggle with this!)
2. You cannot find a friend in every person you meet. Lol! I will admit that I am naive in a lot of areas and my view of the world used to be ‘Disney’. There ARE ill-intentioned people in the world – #shocker – lol! In my head, every one was a potential BFF and no guards were placed on my heart. The barge was open and everyone had access. Bad idea. VERY BAD IDEA!!! As you can probably guess, the good and the bad found their way and did what they wanted. I am still healing. I learned the lesson. (I am still learning!)
3. The ideal goal of friendship is to find that friend that is closer than a brother. I can already hear many “yeah rights”. A few years ago, I would have agreed with you but I have discovered this to be not only true but possible. I have this friend. Amazing woman and yes, she REALLY IS amazing! #Bestieshoutout . She quite literally AND figuratively gives meaning to the term, ‘Best Friend’ because she really is the best friend I have EVER had. She is closer to me than my brother (sorry bros).
4. Speaking every day, does not a friendship make. People are busy. Lol!
5. Not speaking every day does not a friendship break. I am finding that it is all about the heart. We all have a friend that we do not speak to for weeks, maybe months and we get together and it feels like no time has passed. It is a heart thing. There are no assumptions of malice or ill-will. There is understanding that life has to be led and if support is needed, there will be a reach out without prompting. There is trust – actual complete trust.
Complete trust is when your friend slaps you and you think, they probably slapped me to kill the deadly spider on my face. That is trust. When, no matter what they do, you trust that because they have your best at heart, even the seemingly horrible things they do is for your own good! Can you say that about your friend (s)?
6. A friendship should not be burdensome. This is self explanatory, I hope.
7. It is wise to put in a lot of effort to select friends. Friendships can build or ruin you. Again, I used to take friendships for granted. I had many – it was not that deep. Now, I have to reduce the numbers and focus on the few that are worth my energy (this is not said in any way that could be misconstrued as flippant or derogatory ).
8. Friendships should make sense objectively, not just emotionally. Friendship is a heart thing but it is also a head thing. I can give you 10 reasons why I have the friends I do. ALL of them, different.
9. There is a friend for every area of life. Seriously. Think about it. People are different and all have different strengths. While many of my friends are similar, they are all very different. I have a friend I can discuss A with and that is mostly what we discuss. My other friend, who I discuss K with, has no interest whatsoever in A so I don’t even try to bring up A. We have enough K to discuss and it works out just fine. Or my other friend who shares a love of M with me…this can go on for a while but you get the picture.
10. It is wise to put in as much as you want to get out of every friendship. I no longer believe in friendship for the sake of it. I always tell my friend, “if I am no longer of use to you, feel free to walk away”. Which is why I am always trying to pour into them so that they can also pour into me. It is not cynical or selfish, I simply believe that friendship is about give and take. If there is only give or only take, resentment is waiting to cause havoc and no matter how destined you are, that friendship can only last so long.
11. There is no friendship in competition. The term ‘Friendly competition’ is annoying. Friends inspire and motivate NOT compete. Where there is competition, there is strife. And where there is strife, there is every evil thing.
These are the areas that came into my head as I was typing. I have been very unfortunate when it comes to friendships, thinking for years that person D was a friend and discovering that person D did not even like me as a person. Lol! I marvel at the nonsense I put up with because I believed a lot of lies about what friendship is.
One more observation before I leave you, I found out that, there is no friendship without a certain level of trust. If you do not fully trust your friend (reasonably), they are not your friend. They are people you hang around with. Know the difference.
I prayed for great friends and God blessed me with a few but quality few. The quality still shocks me.
I pray you find amazing friends who will make your life better and all the sweeter in the good AND bad times. I also pray that you, we, become amazing friends who make life happier, simpler for all the people who we acknowledge as, and who acknowledge us as friends.
Love and blessings!