How to Successfully Fail Your First Year

My Uni lecturer, reminded me about this article I published while at Uni. Reading back now, I had to ask, what was I drinking?! Lol! I had fun! 

Let me let you in on a little secret. Failing your first year is hard work, but with the right guardian and type of attitude it becomes as easy as ABD. To fail your first year takes 5 Key Qualities you must feed daily. These include Laziness, Carelessness, Impudence, Procrastination (The best of the 5) and last but not least Lack of self and time awareness. These are essential to making sure you fail your first year successfully, because as a matter of fact failing is not enough. You need to fail successfully. And here’s how:

  1. Laziness

You have to be lazy! If you want to fail you cannot afford to be hard working. When you know you have a lecture the next morning, turn on the TV and watch ‘I Love New York’ and stay on MTV, don’t move, even to go to the toilet, just stay there and enjoy yourself.  When you are ready to go to bed, remain on the couch and just enjoy, feel the moment. Your Alarm goes off, no need to respond because it is interrupting your sleep. Turn it off and turn the TV back on. You have all Day. Going all the way to the University is too much work, sit back and relax and waste another day. The art of laziness is essential; you have to get everything right. Even to the way you sit down to watch TV. Don’t bother with your reading, preparation or even your oyster! Just learn to sit there with the TV on.

  1. Carelessness

Lose everything. Yourself included if at all possible. Everything includes your student ID, Textbooks, Notes, Back pack, House keys. Allow your carelessness become an entity. You are allowed to go as far as losing your younger sibling. No problem at all! In truth, it is fundamental!

  1. Impudence

Whenever you feel like it, plagiarise! When you have set work comply with rule one and take it easy. Wikipedia should do it. Copy and paste, afterwards hand it in! When confronted, tell them where to go and what to do with the paper and their opinion. After all, they don’t understand your need to watch Eastenders. You are entitled to do as you please!

  1. Procrastination

As a personal rule, ALWAYS procrastinate. You can always do this tomorrow.  If Tomorrow is not convenient, the day after should be just fine. After all there are 365 days in a year, you have time.

  1. Lack of Self and Time Awareness:

Constantly remember this: Nothing and No one else matters. You are the only human being in this Universe and as a matter of principle, time waits for only you. You have liberty! The world will bow down and cater to your needs.

Finally, make sure you have wasted a lot of money and time. Whilst also managing to embarrass yourself and family.  Wishing you every success failing your first year.

Kind Regards,


*This is for new students…(applicable to continuing students)


Thankfully, I did not take my own advice! Lol!

Love and Blessings!  


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