I am in a peculiar situation. One which I have been in before but always had a relatively easy ‘walk away card‘.
This time, I am legally contracted to remain and adapt and it is particularly difficult. I also feel like there is a lesson I have to learn in this place. A lesson I have failed to learn so it keeps coming back around. Without over sharing, I find myself, in a space where I am told I am too much for the environment I am in.
Although they like what I bring, it appears that I may be bringing too much and they want their version of what I bring, not me, as I am but me as they want me to be.
It sounds straightforward and should not present any issues but the reality is different.
The truth is, I am really struggling.
What I hear is, “the way you are is incorrect. You are broken”. They have not said that but this is what it feels like it hurts.
I consider myself an optimist and I was unable to encourage myself on this, so much so, I went to the toilets and wept. It is not always easy to hear that who you are is not right or is wrong for the place you are in. It is down right uncomfortable.
So! What do you do when everyone seems to be telling you, you are “too much” for where you think you are supposed to be.
What are practical steps to take? I have a few suggestions.
1. Know thine self. Everyone will have an opinion. That opinion will be good and bad. Remember t know who you are, at your core – despite the criticisms.
2. Encourage yourself – never stop speaking life to yourself. You are your greatest cheer leader.
3. Understand people – people will always try and change you to reflect their inner being which is a combination of prejudice, insecurities and comfort with themselves and others. Most of the time, it has nothing to do with you. If girl A dislikes another girl B, with long hair, it is not because girl B is bad, it is just that girl B might remind her of many negative incidents girl A has blocked out and would like to remain blocked out.
4. Remain objective – find out whether they have a point – we like to blame and accuse ‘haters’ but everyone cannot be a hater. Sometimes, we DO have haters. Other times, we simply do not want to be criticised so we shout, “hater”, instead of listening and using the opportunity to receive constructivery criticism for our improvement.
5. Keep loving yourself – simple
6. Remind yourself about the facts of life – “you will always be too this or too that for people. Never mind. You will be perfect for the right people.
7. Be flexible enough to adapt to your new environment – change is constant and necessary. If they say, reduce your volume, learn to do that without changing who you are. Flexibility is a skill. Learn and develop it!
8. Remain true to your core. While it is great to change, you cannot become somebody else. It will take too much effort. You can make changes that are suitable but please, be yourself!
9. Learn – learn what life is trying to teach you, however hard the lesson. After you have learned what you need to, you become better. Stronger.
10. Don’t allow anyone or anything steal your joy and or peace – it is crucial to maintain positive mental health at all times.
11. Keep going. Don’t stop. Keep moving forward. Keep doing the most. Keep on keeping on. Do not give up!
I am practicing the above also. I am reminding myself of these points constantly because they are helping me and I hope they help you too. I am not out of the bush yet but my axe is swinging. I will come out. Better. Stronger. Wiser. Thankfully, so will you!
Love and Blessings,