I have been feeling like I am losing myself and I have been behaving like a mad person for the last few days. I wanted to do crazy things. Thank God for that pause and the question that followed – “if you were not feeling the way you are, would you do what you want to do?“.
I am having to think about a lot of things as I usually do at the end of the year and one of the things I do every year without fail is not take things with me into the new year. I love December for so many reasons. One of which is a time to take stock.
I want to drop a few people but wisdom is shouting that I should not…yet. Lol! If you read my posts, what you will learn from it is, I like flow. If there is no flow, I drop and run. With these people, there is no flow and the lack of flow is a big issue for me because we are always coming to a halt. When this happens, I then have to go back to God, forgive, analyse, question, ask and then start again. It is a lot of work and it started affecting my view of myself.
I felt unheard, ignored, too sensitive, too much and as a result started struggling with me. It is one thing to struggle with another person, it is another thing to struggle with your self. Please don’t do it.
Don’t ever struggle with yourself. That is self-abuse.
It was at this point, I felt like I had to pause and reflect. I spent time with family and trusted friends. I asked what they thought about me. We always say that what others think of us, does not matter. Well, this is a half-truth. Ultimately, what God thinks is what truly matters but what others think should be considered.
They shared their views and I was reminded of my worth. The wonderful, beautiful things about me. It centred me. Some started listing what was wrong with me (lol) and I took those too. I went away and I mulled. I dissected. I processed. I took the time and I feel more like myself than I have in a while.
If you are feeling out of sorts, questioning yourself and feeling despair about who you are, about who God made you, it may be time to take time. Stop. Speak to those who love you. Check your ideal, highest opinion of yourself with what they say and find yourself.
Take time and ask God. Remind yourself of who He has made you and let go of weird perceptions.
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
Ephesians 2:10 NLT
If you ever need to rant, talk and just share, please send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. I will always respond!
Love and Blessings,